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If Only You Knew: a true story of bulimia, suicide, and a journey to hope, by Heidi Jost
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In the spring of 2001, 19-year-old Katrina Wahl told her parents that she was considering suicide: "There are only two things holding me back from taking this – the easiest path. The first is the end itself. I don’t want it to be messy or unduly painful – or, what’s worse – unsuccessful. I would want it to be quick and easy. Less for people to take care of afterwards. "The second hesitation factor is friends and family. I don’t like to think of how they’d feel after hearing the news. I don’t want to hurt them. What would people think? They would probably wonder what on earth could have ailed me so much that I would actually end my life over it. They’d say, 'There’s no reason for it. She had a very good, loving, supportive Christian upbringing and a marvelous family. She was even a Christian herself. Went to church regularly, got good grades, was a hard worker. What went wrong?'" Seven months later, Katrina's hesitations were gone. The college sophomore's body was found in an isolated corner of campus. In the devastating aftermath, Katrina's younger sister Heidi grappled with the same questions Katrina did: Can God be trusted? Is obeying Him worth the effort? Is there hope for those struggling with depression, negative body image, and addictions to food and pornography? Amid heartache and tears, Heidi discovered life-breathing truths that are found in Jesus Christ. It is her desire that, in reading these pages, those ensnared by the same lies that tormented Katrina will find hope and freedom in the God who is mighty to save.
- Sales Rank: #1539931 in Books
- Published on: 2015-12-10
- Original language: English
- Number of items: 1
- Dimensions: 8.50" h x .42" w x 5.50" l, .49 pounds
- Binding: Paperback
- 186 pages
About the Author
Heidi Jost lives in Alberta, Canada, with her husband Jesse and their children.
Most helpful customer reviews
4 of 4 people found the following review helpful.
The biased opinion of the husband...
By Jesse Jost
I just had the privilege of reading the newly revised 3rd edition of Heidi's book "If Only You Knew: A true life account of bulimia, suicide, and a journey to hope." I have never been so excited about it. She has always been such a great writer, but this edition just sparkles with the glory of God's grace and tender mercies. She has grown so much in the knowledge of God and the riches of the gospel since her first edition. I was repeatedly moved to tears and wonder as I read. I of course have the all the bias of someone who gets to sleep with the author, but please order this book for a friend who is struggling or to equip yourself! It is a powerful experience. I am eager to watch how God will continue to use this labor of love.
3 of 3 people found the following review helpful.
Intimate look at loss, suicide and eating disorders
By Amazon Customer
This book is for anyone who has had to say goodbye to someone they love. It is filled with hope and grace for families pressing on after a loved ones to suicide.
I treasure the mercy and honesty here as her sister crafts each emotion and question. To have hope pour it's way at each turn in the midst of things I'd have a hard time talking about.
I admire her honest and fresh insights! Grateful someone would share their path after such a complete loss. Highly recommend for anyone with eating disorders as well.
2 of 2 people found the following review helpful.
Sobering and insightful
By Jacob Denhollander
This is a well-written and compelling look into the personal struggle and anguish surrounding eating disorders and the factors that might drive a person to take their own life. Particularly important to me is that this book is neither sugar-coated nor hopeless. It does not shy away from difficult realities, soften hard edges, or offer pat advice. The book narrates the true story of the author's sister, Katrina, who's struggles with bulimia and its attendant complications culminated in her taking her own life at a young age. The story is related with obvious love, deep compassion, and a sense of anguish, but is also interspersed with wise reflections and a message of hope. This is not a clinical, detached book offered by an 'expert' - it is instead a personal, intimate account that shows deep empathy. It is for this reason that I think this is a tremendous resource for those who are struggling with these issues, as it both affirms the validity of their experience while at the same time pointing to a greater reality and hope that addresses their struggles. It is also valuable for those who are trying to navigate their feelings after the suicide of someone close to them.
The message of this book is that the pain, temptation, and struggles are all too real, but there is hope. If you've ever struggled to have empathy for those who suffer from eating disorders, or want to understand the real anguish that accompanies suicide, you should read this book. If you yourself struggle with eating disorders or thoughts of suicide, you will find empathy and love and hope in these pages. If you've experienced the death of a loved one through suicide, this book is an open and honest look at walking through that process. It is a tremendous example of fine Christian writing that understands that the way to address pain and anguish is not to gloss over it or deny that it exists; instead, the solution to great pain and falleness is to look to an even greater Saviour, Jesus Christ.
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